My General, In-a-Nutshell Opinion Regarding People's Political Discussions and Disagreements

In the US, when people (i.e. the general public consisting primarily of the left and the right) engage in political discussions and they end up disagreeing, this can be good in the sense that when both sides have their say, this tends to result in the nation settling on a sensible, moderate, middle ground. But on the other hand, for most people, when the topic of politics comes up, it can easily bring out some of their worst qualities, whereas another topic can eaily bring out someone's best qualities. Also, sometimes I wish people would take the passion and intensity they bring to political discussions and affiliations, and direct that passion and intensity towards something else entirely.

How an Airplane Flies (Thrust & Lift?)

I really want to write an article about how airplanes fly. The thing is, I don't know how airplanes fly. Can someone please explain it to me? But don't give me one of those explanations where I have to think so I can understand what you're saying. Just tell it to me in a way that'll make it all go directly into my head, without me adding thought. I mean, if you’re an educator, it's your job to think when you explain something, so that I won't have to think when I learn something. I mean, I'm willing to do my half of the work, by blinking and staying conscious. But that's basically where I draw the line. Also, I don't want to blink and stay conscious for too long. So if you're teaching me something, don't give me a two hour explanation. Just get it all in there in four or five sentences.

One time I Googled "how does an airplane fly," and I read the beginning of some article that supposedly explains it all. It starts off by saying, "Flight requires two things: Thrust and lift. Thrust is the forward motion provided by a propeller or jet engine." I emailed the guy who wrote that article, and I told him, "What the hell are you talking about? I want to know how a gigantic hunk of metal with wings flies up in the air and goes 300 miles an hour--and for some reason, you're saying some horsecrap about thrust and lift. If I wanted to read about thrust and lift, I would've Googled the words thrust and lift."

Then I went to UCLA. I walked into a science teacher’s office and asked him, "How does an airplane fly?" He said, "Well, first things first--there's thrust and lift." And I told him, "English! Do you speak it? How does an airplane fly?" "Well, it's the thrust..." "Thrust ain't no country I ever heard of! Do they speak English in thrust?!" "I can't explain flight to you unless I say thrust." "Say thrust again! I dare you! I double dare you!"

So to make a long story short, I don't know how a plane flies.

Proverbs

While the sun is shining, bask in it! - Malawi Proverb 

No matter how big the whale is, a tiny harpoon can kill him. - Malaysian Proverb 

If the rabbit is your enemy, admit he can sprint fast. - Mali Proverb

He who lingers around will hear bad things spoken about him. - Mexican Proverb 

If you want to live in peace, you mustn’t tell everything you know, or judge everything you see. - Mexican Proverb 

If you don’t honor your wife, you are dishonoring yourself. - Mexican Proverb 

Sparrows who mimic peacocks are likely to break a thigh. - Myanmar / Burmese Proverb 

The zebra told the white horse, “I am white,” and told the black horse, “I am actually black.” - Namibian Proverb 

Even a small mouse has anger. - Native American Proverb 

Being happy in one’s home is better than being a chief. - Nigerian Proverb 

Until lions have their own historians, accounts of the hunt will always celebrate the hunter. - Nigerian Proverb 

Mulla Nasrudin Jokes

The Conqueror's Challenge

The town's new conqueror said to Nasrudin one day, "Hey Mulla, I have a challenge for you. Offend me in a way that your explanation will be a thousand times worse than the original offense."

The next day, Nasrudin came to the palace and kissed the conqueror right on the lips.

"What was that!" exclaimed the conqueror with great surprise.

"Oh," Nasrudin replied, "excuse me. I got you confused with your wife."

Cursing Fine

After tripping on a rock while walking, Nasrudin angrily yelled out, "Son of a butter-biscuit!"

Unfortunately, a man who happened to be standing nearby thought the comment was directed towards him, and was so offended that he took Nasrudin to court, much to Nasrudin's annoyance.

When the judge heard the case, he ruled that Nasrudin should pay the man five dollars.

Nasrudin then handed the judge a ten dollar bill, and as the judge searched for change, Nasrudin asked, "So I take it the fine for cursing at someone is five dollars, right?"

"Right."

"OK then--keep the change you son of a butter-biscuit."

Nasrudin the Liar and Exaggerator

Mayor: "Nasrudin. You are known to be a liar and exaggerator. Tell me a lie without thinking, and I will reward you with fifty dollars."

Nasrudin: "Fifty dollars? You just promised me a hundred dollars!"

Nasrudin the Proud Parent

Nasrudin and a friend were watching Nasrudin's children.

The friend asked Nasrudin's young son, "What is a dilettante?"

The son replied, "That is an herb used for seasoning."

A delighted Nasrudin turned to his friend and said, "Did you hear that? What a fine boy I have. Just like his father. He made up an answer all by himself!"

The Town Gossip

The Town Gossip: "Nasrudin. I just saw some men delivering a huge tub of stew."

Nasrudin: "What's it to me?"

The Town Gossip: "They were taking it to your house."

Nasrudin: "What's it to you?"

Nasrudin and Friend Prepare a Meal

Mulla Nasrudin - The Guarantee

The Missed Appointment

A philosopher made an appointment with Nasrudin to have a scholarly discussion. When the day came, the philosopher dropped by Nasrudin's house as planned. However, Nasrudin wasn't home. The philosopher angrily took his pencil out of his pocket, wrote "Jerk" on Nasrudin's door, and then left.

Nasrudin finally came home later and saw this. He quickly realized that he had missed his appointment, and he darted off to the philosopher's house.

"Forgive my error," Nasrudin told the philosopher when he got there. "I totally forgot about our appointment today. But when I got home and saw that you had written your nickname on my door, I came here as fast as I could."

A Great Home?

Nasrudin was inspecting a house he wanted to buy. The home's next-door neighbor noticed, walked over, and began telling him how great of a house it was.

When he finished talking, Nasrudin remarked, "Well, what you're saying might be true, but there is one drawback to living here that you neglected to tell me about."

"What's that?"

"A nosy neighbor!"

Mulla Nasrudin - Bravo

More Mulla Nasrudin Jokes

Proverbs & Quotes (Unknown Sources)

A friend is a person with whom you dare to be yourself

I will be your friend, but not your vice's friend.

A friend that you buy with presents will be bought from you.

He will never get to Heaven, that desires to go there alone.

Friendship and company are a bad excuse for ill actions.

Argument seldom convinces anyone contrary to his inclinations.

Men work but slowly, that have poor wages.

For one rich man that is content there are a hundred who are not.

A man may be happy here and hereafter without much fame or wealth.

Against the wild-fire of the mob there’s no defense.

Do as others do, and few will mock you.

Do as most do, and men will speak well of you.

A wicked man is his own hell; and his passions and lusts the fiends that torment him.

He that resists his own evil inclinations obeys God.

Do all you can to be good, and you'll be so.

Good deeds remain; all things else perish.

The true gentleman is God’s servant, the world’s master, and his own man.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

He that lives a knave will hardly die an honest man.

Heaven is a cheap purchase, whatever it cost.

Man had perished long ago, had it not been for public spirited persons.

Money talks—mostly lies.

A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.

Thirty is the turning point in a man's life.

You gain power over another person by winning his heart or by breaking his spirit.

The gods delight to see a man struggling to succeed.

It is easier to prevent ill habits than to break them.

A fair booty makes many a thief.

Adversity oftentimes leads to prosperity.

Anger is short-lived in a good man.

Even doubtful accusations leave a stain behind them.

Bad excuses are worse than none.

Better go back than lose yourself.

Best dealing with an enemy when you take him at his weakest.

Everyone thinks himself able to advise another.

He is not a virtuous man, that loves it not even in an enemy.

Truth may sometimes come out of the Devil's mouth.

Every fool can find faults that a great many wise men can’t remedy.

Fear can keep a man out of danger, but courage only can support him in it.

Everything has its time, and that time must be watched.

He invites future injuries, who rewards past ones.

Flattery fits in the parlor when plain dealing is kicked out of doors.

He is no wise man, that cannot play the fool upon occasion.

He shall have enough to do, who studies to please fools.

He that falls today may be up again tomorrow.

He that follows Nature is never out of his way.

He that will not sail till all dangers are over must never put to sea.

Everyone’s faults are not written in their foreheads.

He that would right understand a man must read his whole story.

At the end of the work, you may judge of the workman.

Our pity is often misapplied; for none can tell what another feels.

The maintaining of one vice costs more than ten virtues.

If we are bound to forgive an enemy, we are not bound to trust him.

If we be enemies to ourselves, whither shall we fly?

Kings have no power over souls.

Natural folly is bad enough; but learned folly is intolerable.

No man can always stand his ground.

One cannot live by selling goods for words.

One may be confuted, and yet not convinced.

Solitude dulls the thought, too much company dissipates it.

Some men's No is better received than others Yea.

The greatest barkers are not the greatest biters.

The nature of things will not be altered by our fancies of them.

They love dancing well, that dance barefoot upon thorns.

This, or any moment, may be your last.

Math

Math is way more interesting than people give it credit for. The other day. I was doing math. And here's something I calculated.

For $800,000 a year, you can hire ten people to squeeze ketchup on their heads all day, every day. Just place an ad on Craigslist or wherever, and let people know that you’ll pay them to do the ketchup thing. Plenty of people will take you up on that offer. They'll follow you wherever you go, and take a continuous tomato shower. You can do that with ten people for just $800,000 a year--and yes, the price of the ketchup is included in that figure.

Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, and Warren Buffet are each worth over $80 billion. That means they can afford to do the ketchup thing with over a million people. As in, go to Cowboys stadium, and look at the 100,000 people there. Bill Gates can do the ketchup thing with every single person there, times ten! I don’t think he’s gonna do it, though. As for me, I'm trying to save up enough money to do that. Tomorrow, I’m gonna call up my accountant and say, "Keep a close eye on my net worth. Once it hits $80 billion, we'll proceed with Operation Ketchup."

Unanimous Agreement

Some people are adamant in their stance that corporations should be taxed at a low rate. Others favor higher corporate taxes. Some people think soccer is a fantastic sport. Others feel like it lacks excitement.

People have different views on numerous matters. But if there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s this: Japanese snack food commercials make no sense whatsoever. They are completely insane and remarkably entertaining. Go to YouTube and watch some Japanese snack food commercials. I’ve seen thousands of them. Including the dandy ones that feature American movie stars. Here’s the typical ad like that. Arnold Schwarzenegger is tap dancing on a flying carpet and he’s speaking Japanese and putting a chopstick in his ear while Aladdin is playing traditional Japanese music on a banjo. And Arnold’s objective in doing this is to encourage people to eat a sweet, sour, and spicy seaweed based snack food known as konsumeh arigati. And do you know who else wants people to eat plenty of konsomeh arigti? A pigeon in a samurai outfit who’s proposing marriage to Sacagawea. Watch the commercials. This is what goes on in the great nation of Japan. You got all these food companies competing to sell their snack food to the Japanese general public--and apparently, the key to victory is bombard the TV viewer with bountiful quantities of extreme ludicrosity.