Oreos

Let's talk about Oreos. I have a long, storied history with them.

When I was a kid. I didn't eat Oreos. Because I'm Jewish. And in the 80s, Oreos were blatantly anti-Semitic. In other words, they contained lard. As in, pork fat.

There was, however, an alternative to Oreos. It was stocked in every supermarket. It was something that resembled an Oreo. Only it went by a much different name. It didn't have a three vowel one consonant scheme, the way an Oreo does. No. This cookie has two vowels and four consonants. And not just glamorous consonants, either. Oreo just uses a fancy, sophisticated consonant known as an R, and then calls it a day. But the Oreo alternative I'm talking about--it has an X! An X! In a snack food name! What kind of a sick individual names a snack food, and includes an X in the name? I'll tell you who? The individual who created a cookie known as Hydrox. 

Hydrox! I kid you not. That's the name of the cookie. How is that a name for a cookie? It sounds more like the name of a musician who's not sure if he does heavy metal or polka. "Are you going to the Hydrox concert?" "Certainly not! I don't do drugs. And even if I do, I don't do the specific combination of drugs that makes me want to pay $50 to hear Hydrox live."