National Anthems

Did you know that the Japanese national anthem is, "May your reign continue for a thousand, eight thousand generations--until the pebbles grow into boulders lush with moss." That's not the title. That's the entire anthem. What was the meeting like when they were working on those lyrics? "OK. We are up to one sentence. Do you think we should say anything else about Japan?" "No! One sentence is enough! We have already made our point! To add any unnecessary material to our anthem would bring great dishonor to our ancestors!"

One national anthem I'm unwilling to listen to is the one from Greece. You want to know why? Because the full version has 158 verses. What was the meeting like for that one? Some Greek guy said, "Let's go for 158 verses. That way, when someone attempts to sing the whole thing, he'll drop dead of exhaustion five hours into it."

How did they fill up 158 verses when they wrote that song? How many different ways are there to say that Greece is a fantastic country? You don't see us running the Star Spangled Banner past verse one. As in, "O'er the land of the free / And the home of the brave / Just to reiterate / America is really freaking awesome."

The Japanese anthem is one sentence, the Greek anthem is 158 verses. What if Japan unites with Greece, and they become one country called JaGreece? They'd have a tough time settling on a unified national anthem. The Japanese people would say, "Let's focus on how JaGreece's reign will continue for eight thousand generations." And then the Greek people would respond, "Yes. That's a good idea. We'll focus on that theme for 158 verses." "Well. We were thinking something more like one sentence." "No! We want people to die trying to sing our anthem."

Speaking of death and national anthems, the country of Ukraine has a national anthem titled "Ukraine is Not Dead Yet." Interesting. Japan wants its reign to continue for eight thousand generations, until pebbles grow into mossy boulders. But apparently, Ukraine is not nearly as ambitious. What was it like when they came up with their anthem's lyrics? "OK. I came up with two versions of our our national anthem. The first one focuses on Ukraine continuing for eight thousand generations. And the second one focuses on Ukraine not being dead yet." "The second one is much better. Ukrainians are not going to appreciate Ukraine, unless they're told that the country will die very soon." Ukraine must be an interesting country. I'll bet over there, the most romantic thing you can tell someone is, "I don't hate you yet." And they honor the president by saying, "We haven't assassinated you yet."