I really want to write an article about how airplanes fly. The thing is, I don't know how airplanes fly. Can someone please explain it to me? But don't give me one of those explanations where I have to think so I can understand what you're saying. Just tell it to me in a way that'll make it all go directly into my head, without me adding thought. I mean, if you’re an educator, it's your job to think when you explain something, so that I won't have to think when I learn something. I mean, I'm willing to do my half of the work, by blinking and staying conscious. But that's basically where I draw the line. Also, I don't want to blink and stay conscious for too long. So if you're teaching me something, don't give me a two hour explanation. Just get it all in there in four or five sentences.
One time I Googled "how does an airplane fly," and I read the beginning of some article that supposedly explains it all. It starts off by saying, "Flight requires two things: Thrust and lift. Thrust is the forward motion provided by a propeller or jet engine." I emailed the guy who wrote that article, and I told him, "What the hell are you talking about? I want to know how a gigantic hunk of metal with wings flies up in the air and goes 300 miles an hour--and for some reason, you're saying some horsecrap about thrust and lift. If I wanted to read about thrust and lift, I would've Googled the words thrust and lift."
Then I went to UCLA. I walked into a science teacher’s office and asked him, "How does an airplane fly?" He said, "Well, first things first--there's thrust and lift." And I told him, "English! Do you speak it? How does an airplane fly?" "Well, it's the thrust..." "Thrust ain't no country I ever heard of! Do they speak English in thrust?!" "I can't explain flight to you unless I say thrust." "Say thrust again! I dare you! I double dare you!"
So to make a long story short, I don't know how a plane flies.
